Narcissistic mothers exercise abusive and authoritarian behavior over their children. As a result, they become insecure adults.
We often hear about narcissistic fathers and mothersbut who are they?
To be considered a narcissist, a person must be diagnosed with narcissistic personality disorder, the main characteristic of which is a distorted self-image, that is, the individual tends to see themselves as superior to other people.
At a glance, this disorder does not appear to be so serious, but in reality, it is quite harmful, especially to those around it. And when we deal with fathers and mothers, everything gets even worse, because, in general, these figures should love their children unconditionally, offering them the best. However, with narcissists, this is not quite how things happen.
Do you want to know a little more about the disorder and how to deal with mothers and fathers who have it? Continue reading our text.
Read too: How does divorce affect children?
What are narcissistic mothers and fathers?
As we said in the introduction, to be considered a narcissist a person needs to be diagnosed – by a psychiatrist or psychologist – with narcissistic personality disorder (NPD).
Within the Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders, known as the DSM, a narcissist is characterized as a pervasive pattern of grandiosity, need for flattery, and lack of empathythat is, the person will always have these traits in their personality.
Many scholars in the field of mental health claim that this grandiose behavior is a defense mechanism because, in reality, the individual does not feel worthy of being loved, afraid of their own imperfection and ashamed of themselves.
In the general context, having to deal with people with NPD is already very challenging, mainly because they are manipulative and lack empathy for the next one. However, when we take into account narcissistic mothers and fathers, the situation is worsened.
Mothers and fathers with narcissistic personality disorder often treat their children as objects with the intention of sole purpose of meeting the needs and desires of maternal and paternal figures. Consequently, the child will have limited psychological and emotional development, as they will undergo manipulations to achieve the goals of their narcissistic guardian.
Furthermore, according to research carried out at the University of Amsterdam, narcissistic mothers and fathers create abusive relationships with their children, blaming them for your unhappiness.
As a result of such upbringing/coexistence, the children of people with NPD are usually injured individuals and highly dependent on their parents or may develop characteristics similar to those of their parents.
See too: Things you shouldn’t say to your young child
What are the main characteristics of narcissistic mothers and fathers?
1. Distortion of self-image
Narcissists often have a inflated self-image of themselves, often seeing themselves as having more qualities than others and elevating the importance of their needs and desires, using other people as instruments to conquer them.
The children of individuals like this are often the perfect supply to feed this self-esteem.. To achieve this, mothers and fathers with NPD manipulate their offspring in order to always keep them close by, so they can have someone to please them in any way necessary.
2. Blame game
Narcissistic mothers and fathers have a bad habit of putting their blame any frustrations on your children, as if they were responsible for everything wrong that happens in the lives of their parents. This type of emotional abuse is quite common in these relationships.
3. Selfish and unempathetic love
Even though narcissists are able to perceive their children’s needs and emotions, individuals with NPD will have no interest in meeting them. People with narcissism always will choose to gain benefitseven if they need to manipulate their children/young people.
This happens because fathers and mothers like this see their children as objects and not as individuals who should be considered anyway.
4. Restriction of freedom
Undoubtedly, the freedom of a victim of someone with narcissism is not welcomed at allsince it must exist – in the narcissist’s head – only as a supply, that is, an object that needs to fulfill all of his demands.
It is important to highlight that these demands can be projections, such as taking a course that the parents were unable to achieve, reaching a certain social circle, etc. As if their child was an extension of them and had an obligation to make their dreams come true..
5. Need for validation
The excessive need for validation of narcissistic mothers and fathers – which proves their real insecurity – is placed first within a family’s daily life, even ahead of their children’s emotions and demands.
This type of dynamic will lead to a feeling of inferiority in children during adolescence and adulthood, which, when left untreated, can be an opportunity for partners with NPD or other personality disorders.
6. Destruction of children’s self-esteem
According to what we have already mentioned, narcissistic people have the need to stand out wherever they live, in this way, It would be terrible for them to have successful and well-rounded children. with themselves.
To prevent this type of situation from happening, narcissistic mothers and fathers “work” hard at going weakening and destroying the offspring’s self-esteem and self-confidenceas this way they will stay focused and not lose space to the younger ones.
7. Image of perfect parents
Outside of family life, fathers and mothers with NPD are seen as perfect, as they make a point of showing that their children are great people, in addition to being respectful and trusting narcissists.
Obviously, these comments, most of the time, are based on lies just so that the parents can get attention. At home, what is usually seen is the opposite, as children almost never receive praise or any type of appreciation.
8. Attempt to keep children always dependent on them
Just like the lack of freedom, children’s dependence on narcissistic fathers and mothers is an element essential for the abusive relationship to be perpetuated.
For this to be achieved, narcissists will always try to sabotage any of your children’s achievementswhether in personal or professional life.
9. Presence of jealousy and victimization
Jealousy and/or envy come into play when children of narcissistic parents make any progress in their lives. As a consequence of this, parents will use victimization to undermine enthusiasm or pride in their children so that they do not stand out.
How to deal with narcissistic fathers and mothers?
This is a very difficult question to answernot because it has a complex and very theoretical answer, but because it deals with the family, an almost untouchable field for many people.
This impasse occurs, above all, because individuals from more traditional social circles tend to be taught that family is the most important thing in people’s lives. Therefore, you must respect and always be close regardless of any circumstances.
However, in practice, we cannot generalize like this, since there are toxic and abusive relationships in the most different types of social interactionincluding in the family. Therefore, it is very important to observe and evaluate how your family treats you and makes you feel, since the your well-being should always come first.
Below, we will list some tips on how to deal with narcissistic fathers and mothers.
1. Therapy
First of all, the ideal in this type of situation is to seek the psychological and/or psychiatric support to help you understand a little better the dysfunctional relationship you are in.
In addition, mental health professionals also offer help with the guilt that may arise due to the fact that the discomfort originates from some family ties.
2. Create other sources of support
Having support networks is very important in these circumstances. This is because family relationships, which usually form this type of support, will not work well for this purpose. To do this, you can contact friends, relatives, companions, among other people that make you feel good.
3. Avoid manipulations
Without a doubt, the manipulations of narcissists are capable of negatively affecting our mental health. Therefore, try to be careful and avoid manipulations through indifference and without taking them personally.
It is also important to avoid getting into confrontation in these cases, the best thing to do is ignore it.
4. Accept
Lastly, an essential tip is to accept your loved one’s personality disorder. This does not mean canceling yourself, but keeping in mind that that person has characteristics that are difficult to deal with and not feel guilty about realizing it.
There are people who, upon realizing the circumstance, prefer to walk away. Because there is no way to change narcissists.
Sources: Marcelo Comparin, Psychologist, The mind is wonderful, Psi Emilson Silva.
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