Self-sabotage is a behavior in which a person acts, consciously or unconsciously, in a way that harms themselves in carrying out the tasks necessary to achieve a goal.
Typically, self-sabotage is caused by personal beliefs, fears, low self-esteem or difficulty dealing with negative sensations, for example, which lead the person to avoid taking the necessary initiative.
In case of suspected self-sabotage, it is important to identify harmful thoughts and behavior to face them, and it may be advisable to consult a psychologist and carry out follow-up to develop strategies to deal with the difficulties.
Signs of self-sabotage
The main signs of self-sabotage are:
- Constantly feeling like you have no control about things;
- Overthinking or planningtrying to anticipate all possible obstacles to a task;
- Being very critical of yourself and other peopleand may have difficulty accepting compliments
- Staying in unhealthy relationships for fear of feeling abandoned;
- Difficulty trusting other people for believing that no one is really capable of understanding your feelings;
- Postpone tasks frequentlyespecially when you believe you will not be able to complete them;
- Avoid getting emotionally involveddue to fear of being hurt.
Furthermore, some behaviors that can harm health are more common in people who self-sabotage, such as drinking excessively, using illicit drugs and having multiple sexual partners.
What is the self-sabotage cycle like?
The self-sabotage cycle consists of having thoughts and behaviors that become persistent or recurrent due to personal beliefs or bad sensations, such as doubt and/or fear, and always move the person away from their goals.
How to confirm if it is self-sabotage
Self-sabotage is identified by signs and behaviors that hinder a person from achieving their goals and are not always easily noticed. Therefore, the help of a psychologist may be needed to confirm whether it really is self-sabotage.
If you want to make an appointment, you can find the psychologist closest to you using the tool below:
The psychologist can help the person identify habits, behaviors and beliefs that can be harmful to their life, possible causes and how to deal with difficulties.
Possible causes
The main causes of self-sabotage are:
- Personal beliefs, which are developed throughout life;
- Fear of failure, success, intimacy or rejection, for example;
- Low self-esteem and/or self-confidence;
- Difficulty dealing with negative sensations, such as insecurity or vulnerability.
Furthermore, self-sabotage can also happen to prevent the person from leaving an advantageous situation or receiving some benefit, and can be done consciously in some cases.
Types of self-sabotage
The most common types of self-sabotage are:
1. Maintain toxic relationships
Self-sabotage in a relationship can make a person insist on maintaining it, even when the relationship is toxic and/or abusive, for example. Typically, this type of self-sabotage happens due to fear of the feeling of abandonment.
2. Emotional repression
Self-sabotage can cause a person to repress their emotions, causing them to avoid showing them. It is common when a person is afraid to get emotionally involved due to the risk of getting hurt, for example.
3. Constantly blaming yourself
By constantly blaming themselves, the person who develops this type of self-sabotage tends to avoid facing judgment and criticism, for example, which are sometimes important for their personal/professional growth.
4. Excessively self-critical
Self-criticism can be a form of self-sabotage, causing a person to emotionally distance themselves from others, especially when receiving praise and congratulations, for example, and can harm the development of relationships.
5. Procrastinate
Procrastination is the act of postponing tasks and obligations, being a type of self-sabotage common in people who are afraid of dealing with the negative sensations caused by challenges and the possibility of failing.
6. Not taking action to change
Not taking action to change is a form of self-sabotage that some people develop due to bad feelings, such as discomfort or insecurity, involved in the change process.
How the treatment is carried out
To treat self-sabotage it is important:
- Noticing harmful behaviors and thoughts;
- Identify the possible causes of self-sabotage;
- Prepare to deal with negative feelings;
- Take the initiative to make the necessary changes;
- Find ways to distract yourself, to ward off negative thoughts and relieve anxiety;
- Taking care of yourself, avoiding excessive alcohol consumption and doing physical activities regularly, for example.
Furthermore, consultation with a psychologist can help the person identify self-sabotage and develop the necessary strategies to eliminate and/or deal with its causes, especially when self-sabotage is done unconsciously. Learn about the types of psychotherapy and how it is done.
