Couples who are expecting a baby or already have children often have this question regarding the bond established between a boy and his mother and between a girl and her father.
Over the years, this closer relationship between children and parents of the opposite sex has become widespread, but what is myth and truth?
Below we will explain why this belief exists and whether it has a basis of truth.
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Is the boy more attached to his mother?
There is indeed a closer behavior between male children and their mothers, as well as between female children and their fathers.
Sigmund Freud studied and developed an explanation in the field of psychology for such emotional organization.
When a baby is born – whether a boy or a girl – he has a stronger identification with his mother, as she is the one who feeds and takes care of him most of the time.
As they grow up, children tend to look to their parents for mirrors to develop their characteristics. Boys look to their father and girls to their mother.
It is in the period between the third and fifth year of life, that, according to Freud, the inversion would occur, that is, the son bonds more strongly with the mother and the daughter with the father.
This is due, still according to the father of psychoanalysis, to the development of sexuality.
Children would develop a kind of attraction to the parent of the opposite sex, but without a sexual connotation.
It would be the beginning of understanding and the need to attract attention from people of the opposite sex.
Even in the case of parents who do not live together, this reversal tends to happen, it is a phase of self-knowledge.
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Is the girl daddy’s girl?
In addition to all the psychological issues that involve children’s attachment to parents of the opposite sex, we have to remember that we live in a sexist society in many areas.
This influences the way parents relate to their daughters and sons.
For example, in a situation where a child falls and scrapes his knee, the father tends to console his daughter and try to please her to avoid the pain.
However, if it is a boy in this situation, it is very likely that this same father will tell the child to get up and not cry, as crying is not a boy’s thing.
The father tends to be more permissive with his little princess.
A mother observing this dynamic may, even if unintentionally, become more overprotective of her son than of her daughter.
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Protection issue
It is important to emphasize that parents do not consciously make a difference between boys and girls.
The beliefs ingrained by the sexist society make him believe that his daughter may be more fragile since he will protect her.
However, the boy cannot because he is the one who will need to protect his wife and children in the future.
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Oedipus complex
The emotional situation described above was called the ‘Oedipus Complex’ in reference to the mythological story of a man who fell in love with his own mother and killed his father.
With much lighter contours, the boy and girl find themselves in a love triangle with their parents.
For boys, the father is a competitor while for girls, the mother would be that opponent.
In order to have a healthy family life, it is essential that parents try to make it clear to the child that the couple’s relationship is different from the relationship between parents and children.
From the moment the little one understands that he is loved in a special way by both, it becomes easier to overturn the mythical vision of attachment between boy and mother and between girl and father.
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What are the problems with the attachment emphasis?
Some fathers and mothers unconsciously reinforce this stronger attachment in the child and can generate psychological problems throughout their lives.
For example, in the case of a boy who has been encouraged to be a ‘mummy’s boy’ it may be difficult to find a partner, as he will always be comparing the women he is involved with with his mother.
Girls who are overprotected by their parents may end up having difficulty charting their own path.
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